A much-needed guide for parents of people in their twenties and thirties from one of the world’s leading developmental psychologists.
Your child is now an adult, but your job as a parent is far from over. Instead, your role must evolve to meet their ongoing, changing needs. But what exactly are these new needs? And why are they so different now than they were when you were a young adult?
This is the first comprehensive guide written for parents whose children are in two of the most crucial decades of life. Steinberg discusses topics as varied as whether and how you should be involved in your child’s college education, how to behave when they unexpectedly must move back home, how to state your opinion on their romantic partners, what to do when you disagree with the way they are raising their own child, and what parameters to apply if you want to give them money for a home or startup. He answers such challenging questions as: When do I express my opinion and when should I bite my tongue? How do I know if my son is floundering? Is it okay to help my daughter with her grad school application? What should I do if my kid is getting seriously involved with someone I think is dangerous? We have been helping our twenty-five-year-old financially for the last few years, but how long is too long? How can I help my adult child through a difficult psychological time?
Leading psychologist Laurence Steinberg has devoted his forty-five-year career to researching parent-child relationships. Here, he provides some basic principles to help parents with adult children think more intelligently about common issues, avoid minefields, weather the inevitable ups and downs, and create a stronger, happier, more effective bond with their child.
About the Author
Laurence Steinberg, PhD, is considered to be the world’s leading authority on adolescence and young adulthood. He currently is the Distinguished University Professor and Laurel H. Carnell Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Temple University. In addition to authoring the leading college textbook on adolescence, just published in its thirteenth edition, Larry has authored or coauthored nearly 500 scholarly articles on adolescence as well as seventeen books. His trade books include The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting, which has been translated into ten other languages; You and Your Adolescent; and most recently, Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence, which has been translated into seven other languages.
"Provides clear guidelines for avoiding arguments and creating more effective bonds." —Jancee Dunn, The New York Times
“If you’re the parent of a young adult, you need this book. Larry Steinberg—one of my favorite thinkers and writers—offers clear, cogent answers to all the questions you’re wrestling with right now. Basically, this book is the next best thing to having this world-renowned psychologist on speed-dial.” —Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance”
“There is more wisdom and more good sense here than in any book I have ever read about parenting. And it is science-based to boot. A must read for parents of adult children.”—Martin Seligman, Ph.D., author of The Hope Circuit and coauthor of Tomorrowmind
“A highly useful, wonderfully innovative guide to parenting adult children. I can think of no finer shepherd to take us through this difficult and underexplored terrain. Whether he’s reframing our expectations or explaining how to give delicate advice to skittish twentysomethings, Steinberg writes with insight and empathy.” —Jennifer Senior, winner of the 2022 Pulitzer Prize for feature writing and author of the New York Times bestseller All Joy and No Fun
“This compassionate, practical guide applies the wisdom of a leading expert on human development to our relationships with adult children. Filled with stories and science, this book will benefit grandparent, parent and child alike—a gift that will keep on giving across the generations.” —Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., New York Times bestselling author, IntraConnected, Mindsight, and Brainstorm.
“Steinberg distills decades of wisdom and experience into the sensitive, straight-shooting guide that parents of grown children have been waiting for. With deep compassion for all involved, You and Your Adult Child details exactly when, why, and how to address the toughest topics - from mental health to finances to sex. I will be recommending this practical, research-backed, clear-eyed book to every parent I know.” —Lisa Damour, Ph.D., author of Untangled and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers
“In my forty plus years of being a parent and a psychologist, Steinberg has been my go-to every step of the way. With his usual mix of science, clinical experience and thoughtful practicality, he helps us temper our expectations and understand how young adults can best adjust to a rapidly changing world. If you have grown children, whether they are flourishing or floundering You and Your Adult Child is essential reading.”—Madeline Levine, Ph.D., Author of The Price of Privilege, Teach Your Children Well, and Ready or Not
“Steinberg combines decades of experience as a professor, developmental psychologist, and father with the most up-to-date research in the field to offer the guide all parents of adult children need. This thoughtful, inspiring book is a clear blueprint for how our role as parents can successfully evolve as we offer our kids support and encouragement in their newly independent lives.” —Lisa Heffernan, New York Times bestselling author and co-founder of Grown and Flown website
“Steinberg is a world-class expert in the science of human development, but what matters most in this helpful book is his voice -- that of a wise, empathetic friend who has studied how to maintain the precious parent-child bond far into the child's adulthood, and wants to share what he knows.” —Robin Marantz Henig, co-author (with Samantha Henig) of Twentysomething: Why Do Young Adults Seem Stuck?
“I’m deeply grateful for this empowering, invaluable guide as my own children pass from adolescence into the rapidly-changing terrain of modern adulthood.” —Jessica Lahey, New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure
“You and Your Adult Child is a treasure for today’s parents and their adult children! Steinberg helps us take a fresh look at the multiple changes in norms , time tables, expectations and opportunities for the current generation of young adults. No wonder we often see things through different lenses! An engaging writer with empathy for both generations , he provides practical principles and techniques for solving conflicts and enhancing relationships.” —Karen Levin Coburn, co-author, Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years
“Here at last is a no-shame, no-blame guide for moms and dads of grown-up "kids" in their twenties and thirties. With his signature mix of expertise and empathy, Steinberg offers sage guidance for how to parent without overparenting, how to speak to be heard, and how to set boundaries while maintaining, even deepening, loving bonds. It's the kind of book you'll come back to over and over for years to come." —Judith Warner, author of And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Maling Sense of Middle School and Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety
“When our kids reach young adulthood, we parents face a host of fresh questions. Do you want to know when you should give your opinion or bite your tongue? Are you anxious about their college choices? Worried about their mental health? Miss them terribly when they're away but want to evict them an hour after they get home? If you can relate to any of these situations, You and Your Adult Child is a must-read, filled with thoughtful, informed and compassionate advice.” —Rosalind Wiseman, New York Times bestselling author of Queen Bees and Wannabees
“During this century, the challenges facing young adults have increased dramatically, as has research on how to address these challenges. Steinberg combines the latest findings with timeless wisdom to offer parents of people in their 20s and 30s a uniquely empowering, invaluable guide to helping their kids make the most of these decades.” —Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
“Parenting never ends, but until now, parents of grown children lacked a comprehensive guide to this period. Thankfully, the wait is finally over. Steinberg’s practical, myth-shattering, inspiring book shows how we and our adult kids can thrive together.” —Michele Borba, Ed.D., Educational Psychologist and author of Thrivers.